Hello Friends & Family-
Thought I would give you an update on the new happenings over in the Eastern part of the world. We have moved into our apartment as I may have mentioned...? Of course we don't have a lot of stuff in here yet, but it makes it easy to clean. Even 19 suitcases doesn't do much to fill up a big house. Aside from keeping a very minimalist home, we are enjoying settling in.
So, some first impressions after being a part of real life for a week or so...
1. Chinese people are quite tall, especially compared with Japanese. I remember always feeling like the biggest women in most any room, (in all ways) when living in Japan. Here I am on the tall side of average, but there are many tallish Chinese women, and most of the men seem to be nearly American averages of height- more on the 5'9"-5'11" range. It is interesting. The women are bustier too. I might even be able to buy a bra here which I never could do in Japan even though I am not overly well-endowed compared to American women.
2. Chinese people have an interesting sense of fashion. Many people don't seem to care if their clothes match (in a Western sense.) They might wear stripes on top and a different colored patterned piece on the bottom, which to me looks really funny, like an adult dressed as my 3 year old who chose her own outfit. Of course this is not everyone, but it happens several times a day that I pass by someone and think, "that is sure an interesting choice..."
3. Funny English is everywhere. After a 10 year hiatus, we are back in the land of "English is cool, even if it doesn't make sense." I have laughed out-loud several times seeing things over the last week. One of my favorites was a nice beauty salon offering underarm waxing, only the large sign out front succinctly advertised it as "UNHAIRING OF ARMPITS" which struck me as extremely comical. A T-shirt I saw in the store proclaimed: "A-1 Radio Show: Our music is always phoffesounul style." ha ha. What a funny word to misprint (if you didn't figure it out, it was supposed to be professional.) And last but not least menu items at restaurants. They haven't quite gotten the knack of making the food sound remotely appetizing in English when they translate their menus. At least most ARE translated, which is nice, and better than what we got in Japan. But it is still funny to order something called Black Fungus and Sole ( a mushroom and fish dish), or another "tasty" looking morsel that said "Pig Knuckle, Dried Jellyfish and Chicken Feet." Of course that one was just gross, and any way you translate it I don't think I would have been tempted.
4. Our apartment complex is HUGE and I mean HUGE. There are probably at least 40 skyscrapers of about 30 floors each clustered over a 1.5 mile square radius or so. Maybe more, I am not sure. We have been doing some exploring and discovering of the different facilities. One thing that is striking right now is the noise of cicadas all over the grounds. If you have never heard one they are unbelievably loud. You walk along the sidewalks which are lined with trees and hear a sound like 1,000 maracas shaking simultaneously, then suddenly by some unspoken cue, they all go quiet within a few seconds of each other. Kind of spooky. The other day I was in my front-room, which is about 25 feet from the (closed) front door. My front door opens to the 8th floor of my building where there is a little lobby area in front of the elevator. There are also 2 windows in there that open to the outside. Anyway, from inside my apartment I heard some loud noise that sounded like a mechanical clattering. I couldn't figure out from where it was coming and finally followed it toward the front door. When I opened it, I saw ONE cicada another 15 feet to the right beating against the window trying to get out. It was sooooo loud I had heard it from inside my door about 35-40 feet away. Crazy. My cousin Matt said that they will only be around another month or so and then they all die and litter the ground. Can't wait till that happens. I remember that from Japan and it was gross when that happened. Cicadas are brown, ugly and big, about 2 inches long by 3/4 inch fat. They also fly which freaks you out. I don't think I will particularly miss them, but the noise is interesting.
5. Living in Shanghai is like living in Manhattan, except practically everything is newly built here. But truly it feels like New York in a lot of ways. I hardly feel like I am in Asia unless I stop and see signs which of course are in Chinese. It mostly just feels like a big, modern, clean city, with wide streets, good signage and remarkably pretty landscaping along the big avenues. Albert is amazed at the amount of buildings and infrastructure they have set up on this side of the city (the Pudong side). When we were here 12 years ago Pudong was mostly rice fields. There were a handful of skyscrapers already built, but everywhere you looked there was construction. The tour guides were telling us about all the buildings that were going up. Albert remembered the guides mentioned that HALF of the world's construction cranes were at that moment in Shanghai being utilized for building. Isn't that amazing? It is easy to believe that was actually true since we see the results of that labor just 12 years later.
Okay, well those are my top five that I can think of right now. I have another story I need to tell so you can all laugh. Luckily I can laugh at it now too although at the time it seemed far from funny.
The other day Albert and I were supposed to go to the Police Station to do some kind of local registering. They asked us to come together with the 7 passports and do an interview and sign sone papers. Albert set up an appointment for 3:00, and I planned to leave my apartment at 2:15, go pick him up, and then we would drive over to the station together. Well, I came downstairs to meet the driver at 2:15 and he was not there. They had asked us specifically to be on time, and I was worried about making the deadline, so I thought I would start walking out of the parking structure and meet the driver on the way in to save time. There is only ONE entrance to our building that the Transit van can fit in, so I was confident that I would pass him on the way, and hopefully save 5 minutes. (There are a lot of speedbumps in the parking garage, and it is so big under there that it generally takes 5 minutes to get to our building from the parking entrance since we have to slow down for all the speedbumps.)
I began walking. About 2:20, I got to the top of the parking area. I had not passed the driver. I continued walking and waited right by the front entry gate where he always enters. He had gone to get lunch so I was assuming he was just running a little late. By 2:25 I still had not seen him, so I called his cell phone. He answered hurriedly and I said his name with a question mark: "Xiao Chun?" He said "2 minutes!" That was the extent of the conversation and also the limit of our abilities to communicate. Well, two minutes came and went and I never saw him drive by. By 2:30 I was worried. I called Albert. "I still haven't left- Xiao is late," I said. Albert wanted to know where he was but I had no idea. I told him where I was waiting and asked if someone from his office could call the driver and tell him where I was. But then I couldn't even explain to ALBERT where I was. I said "I am at the entrance where the coffee shop is, near the parking entrance." And Albert said: "By the supermarket?" "No, I am by the coffee shop, where he always takes me." Albert said: "Well, he always takes me by the supermarket." Hmmmmmmph. "Okay, well, it is getting a little late, so how about you take a cab to the police station, and we can just meet there and still be on time." So, he gives me the address and we try to work that out for a while. He calls around trying to find someone who speaks Chinese to communicate with our driver. Finally he calls me back and says he was able to get the appointment delayed until 3:30. He says someone talked to Xiao and that he said had been waiting for me at our builiding parking space for 40 minutes. Impossible, but whatever.
I didn't want to have to walk all the way back down there just to come up again but I didn't know of a better way to explain where I was, so I agreed to walk back down and find Xiao. By this time is was about 2:45. I head back downstairs. The parking area is the same size as the entire complex- by that I mean betwen 1-2 square miles. Although there are SOME numbers on the parking structure signs, everything else is in Chinese. There are 3 Phases in our complex, 1,2 and 3, each containing over twenty buildings. Each phase repeats the same numbers, so if you see a number and an arrow, you can't necessarily assume that it is the same PHASE that you live in since we can't read the Chinese.
Anyway, I thought I walked in the same way I walked out. I found a sign that said "15-19" and followed that direction. Nothing looked familiar. Also, about this time, I realized that I REALLY needed to pee. I had had to go before I left (at 2:15) but I was in a hurry and thinking that I would be at the police station by 3, and could go then. So, now it was about 5 to 3, and I was feeling pretty stretched... I arrived at building 17 only to find that it was not MY building 17. I started to panic as I looked around and realized I had no idea where my building was and no idea where to go to even find it. I started to look for signs to GET out of that parking garage. I felt like I had been wandering down there in the grim light for hours although it had really only been about 15 minutes. I still didn't know where to go, and was worried about making the dumb appointment on time. Finally, at like three oclock I called Albert back. He asked where I was. (Grumble, grumble.) "I am at building 17", I said, "but it is not the right one." After some back and forth of suggestions I lost my temper. "Cancel the dumb appointment" I said. "I am LOST down here and have no idea how to get out." Albert was kind enough to apologize after a bit of a laughing spell and said he would change it till tomorrow. I hung up and settled down to the task of escape from parking lot hell. I began walking in a likely looking direction and saw a picture of a person walking up stairs next to a doorway. I was excited about that, and thought it would lead me up to the top where I could then find the club-house and orient myself to get home. However, when I went to door, I still had to use my pass-card to get through one of the doors. Because I did not live in that building it would not let me through (the cards are like electronic keys and it was obviously a security measure.) In any case I was unable to get out to the stairs. I saw a few more signs like that and they were all the same system. So, no luck.
By this time it was about 3:15. I had been outside waiting in the sun, or wandering around in the gloom for an hour. I was hot, sweaty, thirsty and had to pee like the dickens. I started to glance around the parking structure, looking for a bathroom, but there was nothing. Consequently I began to look for any likely spot where I might be able to pee, having no idea when I was gonna get out of there. I felt like Kramer and George in that Seinfeld episode where they lose their car in the mall garage and are wandering around forever. Finally they both decide to pee in the structure and Kramer is fine but George gets caught. It was funny, but here I was actually living that. I finally found a corner where an SUV type vehicle was parked. It was dark and private and I creeped back there and totally peed in some drain back there. Gross. I felt like I was a potty-training Chinese child. They don't really use diapers here and let their kids pretty much pee at will. Their pants often have a big cut out in the center where the crotch is and their little buns hang out when they move the right way. Just a side note there. So, ANYWAY, however you look at it, I was just so relieved that I didn't even care anymore. I had an empty bladder, the appointment was cancelled and I figured I couldn't stay in parking hell forever. I started walking again and praying for a way out. I had probably already been doing that, but I did it again. At about 3:30 or so I see another kind of exit sign that has stairs. I check it out and HALLELUJAH- it actually goes up to the bright world above! I have never been so glad to breathe in a lungful of smog before. I blinked against the light and took a look around to get my bearings. Low and behold the club-house was right to my left and my builidng was right in front of me. Thank heavens for tender mercies. After a thank-you prayer I stole into the house and breathed a sigh of relief when the air-conditioning hit. I had to go lay down in my room and recover by reading a mindless detective thriller for an hour before I could really speak to anyone. After that I was able to slightly see the humor in it. I hope you all get a good kick out of it as well.
By the way, a typhoon just barely missed Shanghai. There was a government warning and the levels were at the highest alert. We thought they might cancel church but they didn't. I gave a lesson in R.S. (the Pres. asked me to sub last week after I offered to teach when she needed help.) Anyway, during my lesson I accidentally said something wrong to a Chinese sister who grabbed her bags and ran out of the room (literally)after snapping at me. It was totally bizarre and I had several people tell me she had some issues and I had just walked into a history of which I was unaware. Whatever the case, it was VERY awkward, and I had to continue giving the lesson afterwards feeling like an idiot. I had lots of sisters tell me afterwards not to worry about it, and I had said nothing wrong, but it was very unfortunate to be in the ward two weeks and already have caused a drama. Albert just shook his head, and laughed. I don't know why I seem to be able to cause controversy wherever I go. It made me miss all of my friends that know me... boo hoo. However, I am sure it will blow over. I sent an email apologizing (not sure for what) to the gal and hope things will be fine. She is moving back to the States anyway. Sigh. On the bright side, we have a dinner appointment with someone in an hour and a half so hopefully we will get better acquainted with some of the more reasonable ward members. I miss all of you. Love, Teeny-Bladder & Crew
Tiffany & Albert Allred
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